Paparazzi

Dude man was following my roommate and took about 20 pictures of him, we have no idea why.
Now I know what people feel like when they see me.

Happy Hour

Oh man. So this woman was sitting all night at Odessa's. Totally looked like she just came from work- starched white shirt, black blazer, Claire Huxtable hairstyle. Then she gets up to leave and WHOA! maroon spandex pants! It's like she got wild at happy hour and took half of her power suit off. yowza!

Bananas

I tried sooo hard to get a better picture of this banana suit dude but he just wouldn't turn aruond! I threw in the referee for good measure. So many fashion mistakes under one roof....

Pleatherette

This is exactly what I would wear to a dive in Buffalo, New York in the middle of winter. I will assume that the wears and tears are from excessive "rocking out."

BEST DUDE EVER

Sometimes pictures really speak for themselves...

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

Same weird outfit: check. Simultaneously pull out playbill: check. Musing about Broadway show:check. Same creepy laugh: eeeeeeee! Twilight Zone!!!

How I Feel Today

Oh my God the internet at my parent's house is so slow that I want to fucking kill someone. Or drink to excess, lose a shoe, pass out on Avenue A and 8th street and have jerks gawk over me and take pictures without even losing a wink of sleep.

Costa Diva Strike 2

She does it again! My guest hostess Costa Diva poses with this creepster dude, who came up to me and announced that he is a 22 yr old former Gucci model. He then whined to me for like 2 hours about how Gucci cast him aside, telling him he was too old to continue with their "ad campaigns." I say its just because he is fucking cheesy

Banana Clipper

What do you do when you're a metal dude during the day but a crazy punkrocker at night? Duh, banana clip mohawk!

A Fried Egg

Kids, this one is about your brain on drugs. What you can't see is that girlfriend is sitting on my bag- which was full of 2 water bottles, a hardcover book, magazine, amongst other things. She didn't notice. It was seriously the pointiest and bulkiest bag I've carried in a long time. I couldn't figure out how she didn't notice. Then I saw that face! Oh, that face. The tongue she is unable to control, half out, kinda just laying there mid-mouth. The creepy focused/unfocused eyes. Drugs are NOT pretty, children! She' lucky the bar was pitch black, thank god for flash photography. I suppose this one isn't as fair because it's more about the action than the visual, but I guess I could mention the cheesy Holiday Party halter from Express and the Nike hightops that weren't even cool in the 80s.

Most Annoying Couple

Moments before they noticed me, dudesly and girlf BOTH had their shirts up and were "rubbing tummies." I was so horrified that it took me a few minutes to finally whip out the camera to capture the grossness.

Costa Diva Strike 1

You really don't want to pass out anywhere in the presence of my friend Costa Diva. Probably the most fun person ever, she will easily co-host a jerk siting, and interact with your lifeless body. I don't know what they're putting in those drinks at the Delancey (seriously they are so strong I could feel the hair on my chest growing), but it must be good- good enough to make everyone pass out. This poor girl didn't stir at all through Costa's posing assault. Love it.

Skating Star

Deep in the bowels of Central Park, lies an area of intrigue and mystery. A giant oval is chalked off, signifying a barrier of sorts. (DO NOT CROSS THE CHALK YOU MORTALS!) A flashback to 1990s house music grates on the brain. Where am I? Quantum Leap? And then gliding back and forth, forwards, backwards, spinning round and round in tight tight shiny spandex leaving nothing to the imagination- are New York's biggest freaks. They gather and "skate jam" for hours on end. I am perplexed. Yet, I can never look away. Not far away, congregate the "serious skaters", skating cone obstacle courses in SILENCE.
This lady has to be in her late 60s. And let me tell you, she was "on" the whole time, with her performance face, shimmying in that spandex outfit for anyone who'd watch (and really, who couldn't look away?!)

Fabulous Freshmen

typical scene on FIT's campus
(i'm losing my edge aren't i)

El Sleepo

This is what happens when you go to a Spanish folk music show. I would've probably done the same had I not felt like a complete loser for being the only person there that did not understand Spanish.

Wilfred Brimley

"Just takin' the ole 'stache for a walk, to get some Quaker Whole Grain Oatmeal. It sticks with ya"

Burberry Mummy

Girlfriend, I love drag queens, don't get me wrong. I've been a fag hag since age 14, and we can thank Paper magazine for that. But seriously, please please PLEASE learn to sew instead of wrapping Burberry toilet paper around your body like a ghetto mummy Halloween costume. Unless of course that's your theme and next time you cut eye holes out of a Burberry sheet to be a ghetto Burberry ghost, in which case I applaud your jovial creativity!

Hot Pants

Where is the flaw in the brain of the hipster that sends the body the "greenlight" to wear hot pants with tights with thigh highs with knee socks with high boots? Pants may get the same job done, but clearly they are too simplistic.

Hippies

I feel comfortable at The Delancey, too. The top garden floor is pretty serene with all the foliage and the fountains. But, dude, it's a BAR! This is NYC! That disgusting floor is covered with subway stank, spit, and tuburculosis. I watched this chick frolicking barefoot, and as I was about to take a pic of her jumping about, she literally fell onto the couch with dudesly and passed out in 0.5 seconds.

Pencil

Hi I look like an old timey gothic pencil.