Snoresly

Am I always at places with ruphinol cocktails or what? Seriously, I've proven here that the party was in full rage here. Dudesly ate too many downers or something. My flash woke him though, and he ran up the stairs, out the door, and into oblivion. Or just Ludlow.

Quan Li-Huang

In like 5th grade my school got an influx of all these weird foreign students from Korea, India and the Ukraine. You know, they were super weird because they dressed so oddly out of style, like all the Indian kids wore these 70s wild print button downs. The Ukranian kids wore the standard 80s shit, but freaked us out by wearing stripes with checks or a Dr Huxtable sweater with bright blue plaid pants. Then there were the Korean kids, who tried to fit in by dressing exactly like the girls in popular American movies from a few years before, aka 80s sluts. I guess they are still trying to assimiliate. Nice try.

Camel toe of the ass

Seriously, when the hell did it become socially acceptable to wear stretch pants ebyond fourth grade? And then not only acceptable but also to consider them "dressy"? I'm tired of seeing your fupa, ladies. Have some grace and wear pants that leave SOMETHING to the imagination!

Bros

Why the hell is my brain like a steel trap and I remember shit like this horrible british "band" from the 80s called "BROS"? And so of course one too many rum and cokes had me convinced that this dude was one of them. And of course he replies to me in broken Enlgish "ahhhhhh you doo-ahhh theee co-caine ya?" AND why the hell does BROS have a greatest hits album?

HAPPY LOVE DAY!

Oh, Makeout Couple at Odessa's. So playful in your straddling. When the guy in the hunting season hat bit the girls who still has her tongue pierced in 2007's boob, I brimmed over with the love that filled the dirty bar. I'm sorry that I tainted your love with my incessant flashes, but I know that you gave me the finger to symbolize how together you two become "1"

It's 2007?

I really hate it when I'm doing floor moves, and my shirt gets in the way, and then my tiger balm runs into my eyes and then I spill my drink from the Smart Bar all over my Jncos.

Terry Richardson

Lonely.....I'm Mister Lonely.....

I'm an asshole

USA! USA! USA!

ZZ TOP

Someone tell me why the hell I was at this bar with old dudes and chainlink fences!

Bleached Beefcake

Just because you own a string of sexy gyms and your wife is a nightlife legend doesn't mean you can turn a cheesy irish bar into a lap-dance-a-thon. (or have blonde tendrils in 2007) Extra points for sending your employees over to try to sell us a gym membership