Jockey?

If I were a dude and 4'11", I definitely would NOT be dressing like a jockey on purpose...

Drown, Mother Fucker

When I stumbled upon this fight, the dude on top was actually trying to drown the other one in a rain puddle. He was pushing his face in the puddle and screaming "DROWN MOTHER FUCKER!" You know a baby CAN drown in only 3 inches of water.

Scurvy

It always freaks me out how old peoples' bones shift and contort. I'm super paranoid that it will happen to me. That one day, a lifetime of not drinking milk will render me bow-legged and all hobbling and shit. So many old ladies have crazy hunchbacks and scurvy legs. And then they wear leather pants and have their old husbands carry their Louis Vuitton bags.

Warrior from another world

When I was in 9th grade, we had to dress up for Halloween for my drama 101 class. The white trash nerd came dressed in pieces of old dance costumes and her hair in like 10 scrunchies at once. She said she was a warrior from another world. I think this is her 12 years later.

Dairy King

Nothing tells the world how tough you are more than jeans with puffy paint guns on the back. And what compliments this perfectly? A satin Haagan Das jacket with a picture of an ice cream hungry shark of course, boyee.

Two Boots

I know we live in New York City and everything, where "anything goes," but dude, this woman is wearing two different boots. I really wanted to get a picture of her face, but after the second shot I got yelled at my the store clerk. Seriously, wtf is this chick thinking. At least she has another pair almost like it at home.

Ice Fishing

Ice fishing can be really exhausting. Just take the 6 train to the East River. Fish are an important part of a balanced diet. The extra eyes and and gills mean extra nutrients.

Corey Hart

At first, I really had to question my morals with this girl wearing sunglasses in MoMAI though, am I about to take a picture of a visually impaired person who is just trying to have a day of art and culture? Some of the audio guides at MoMA are designed to help the hard of seeing, aside from giving cultural blurbs, they describe the art works in detail. But I knew my jerk instinct was correct when I saw her applying lipgloss and eyeliner in the next room. Ew dude. Are you THAT important that you need to wear shades to look at art?

Make Out texting couple

These dorks sat in my friend's chair, at our table and started goin' at it. Every few slurps, the chick would text someone on her pink razr phone. They didn't notice me taking 1000 flash photos. I left the best for last..the hunger in her eyes! One look at her and you can't disguise!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT

What do you do when all of your assless chaps are at the cleaners, but clearly you are ready to party?

The Manager

This dude is what the blog is all about. He was alone at Welcome to the Johnson's, laughing, dancing, having the best time ever. His head was like a caged animal-back, forth, back, forth. I had to talk to him. He told me that PBR was $2. I said I was getting vodka tea. He said vodka cheese sounds delicious. Wouldn't cheese foam on vodka be good he said? Did I know that some people just get martinis because they like olives? He thought pimentos grew inside olives. My friend took his photo and he asked me if he'd be on myspace.com. Just laughing at jerks, dude.